21 Comments
User's avatar
Bradley Vee's avatar

Brilliant. One question, though. How is the SEO on this? I want my self-gratification to be highly searchable, especially my wearing of a Guy Fawkes mask while digitally oscillating myself around a bonfire. Input appreciated.

Expand full comment
Will Boucher's avatar

Good question! Mask_Turbate_PRO gives you complete control over your SEO settings. The world cannot be deprived of Guy Fawkes oscillating around a bonfire.

Expand full comment
Bradley Vee's avatar

Signing up soon.

Expand full comment
E.L. Zeitgeist's avatar

No lie, last week my husband was trying to convince me to start an OF where I cook in nothing but an apron. I was worried about the lack of anonymity and now all my problems are solved! Who do I pick? Go with the obvious Giada De Laurentiis? Or maybe I put the wham in BAM with some Emeril daddy kink?

Expand full comment
Will Boucher's avatar

No need to choose! Sign up for Mask_Turbate_PRO and you can do both! Our analytic team has reported a recent surge in Emeril Lagasse kinks so it sounds like you've stumbled into a potential lucrative niche.

Expand full comment
E.L. Zeitgeist's avatar

I can't believe my luck! Take all my money!

Expand full comment
A.P. Murphy's avatar

Dear Dr Tess,

You are in violation of my patented Jizz-Jenerator (TM) system for generating horny avatars. Consider this a cease-and-desist letter or else my sex-starved lawyers will come round your apartment and have their wicked way with you. Which will be filmed for my own specialized Attorney-at-Ass Channel.

Regards

Gherlaine P. Mouthpeace

Pres & CEO Thirsty Enterprises Inc

Expand full comment
molly's avatar

Cant wait to see this become reality in *checks watch* a few months?

Expand full comment
Will Boucher's avatar

It may already be here! I imagine if people use it, they would keep that shit on the down low

Expand full comment
Anna Schott's avatar

Hey Will, I know I don't know you very well, but do you have, uh, $5.98 I can borrow? I'm good for it, I swear.

Expand full comment
Will Boucher's avatar

No need! It just so happens that I know the developer of Mask_Turbate. I’ll have him get you PRO on the house!!

Expand full comment
Anna Schott's avatar

amazing!

Expand full comment
Sarah Ward's avatar

Bravo! What a world this would be! It's coming. Or should I say, cumming?

Expand full comment
Will Boucher's avatar

Haha! The cumming is inevitable

Expand full comment
Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Take my money!

Expand full comment
Will Boucher's avatar

$$$$$$$

Expand full comment
Elly Marie (she/her)'s avatar

Heads off to sign up…. A way I can actually work from my sick bed… the possibilities are endless!

Expand full comment
Will Boucher's avatar

Haha every room can be the office

Expand full comment
Zan Tafakari's avatar

This made me chuckle! Very good copy for Mask_Turbate!

Expand full comment
Will Boucher's avatar

Haha! Thanks for reading!

Expand full comment
Susan-Jane Harrison's avatar

Love love love. What’s not to love about this post?

Expand full comment