Love your use of language in this to paint visceral visuals. I thought you might give Todd one last moment of glory at the end...but I'm glad you didn't. Connects really well with the squashing of dreams and those of us still hanging on to ours by threads.
"Reflexively, we'd visor flat palms over our eyes, searching for the sailing stone, chest thrumming with that holy shit! there's a great power within us!" -- Love this part.
This sentence is masterful in its form and hilarious in its content:
“He knows I've always been a pushover who'd sooner eat glass than break his word, so even though I don't give two shits about the Kenosha Kodiaks or the Waukegan Whirlwinds, here I am, perched in the bleachers, weathering the waters of Midwestern swamp ass to watch a gaggle of bright-eyed minor league weirdos run around in their too-small uniforms, praying today's the day some deus ex machina recruiter offers them the hallowed major league contract that'll save them from another night masturbating themselves to sleep in their parent's basement—it's all too fucking sad.”
This line was amazing too:
“... the look my nephew makes when he shits himself in the sandbox and doesn't want anyone to know.”
It was this line for me: “opened my mouth wide, performing the ritual ahhhhhh of adulthood, letting the nine-to-five crawl in and play house in my gullet.” And as a Milwaukee resident, this was all too depressingly real, right down to the quarry! You must know SE Wiscy!
Love your use of language in this to paint visceral visuals. I thought you might give Todd one last moment of glory at the end...but I'm glad you didn't. Connects really well with the squashing of dreams and those of us still hanging on to ours by threads.
Thanks, Nick! Yeah, Todd had a good run but it seems like he's ready to make some changes, it's always hard to do that.
"Reflexively, we'd visor flat palms over our eyes, searching for the sailing stone, chest thrumming with that holy shit! there's a great power within us!" -- Love this part.
Haha thanks Clancy! That’s my favorite part as well
Brilliant Will.
This sentence is masterful in its form and hilarious in its content:
“He knows I've always been a pushover who'd sooner eat glass than break his word, so even though I don't give two shits about the Kenosha Kodiaks or the Waukegan Whirlwinds, here I am, perched in the bleachers, weathering the waters of Midwestern swamp ass to watch a gaggle of bright-eyed minor league weirdos run around in their too-small uniforms, praying today's the day some deus ex machina recruiter offers them the hallowed major league contract that'll save them from another night masturbating themselves to sleep in their parent's basement—it's all too fucking sad.”
This line was amazing too:
“... the look my nephew makes when he shits himself in the sandbox and doesn't want anyone to know.”
A great story.
haha! That sentence was a lot of fun to write, glad you enjoyed it, Michael!!!
I know I'm late to the party on this one, but damn. A visceral knock-out portrait of a dying dream.
Thanks so much, Garen :)
Diaper’s full!
haha it's a look!
Perfect metaphor.
Again I am full crushing on your work here. The sentence craft is just jam packed with detail and tone. Beautiful work.
Thanks, Jon! Always enjoy your feedback, I crush on your words as well my friend
It was this line for me: “opened my mouth wide, performing the ritual ahhhhhh of adulthood, letting the nine-to-five crawl in and play house in my gullet.” And as a Milwaukee resident, this was all too depressingly real, right down to the quarry! You must know SE Wiscy!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Strangely, I don’y know much about Milwaukee. I’ve never been to the mid-west (unfortunately)
Well you paint a lovely picture of a place you, nor anyone, will rush to put at the top of their bucket list! 😂
Now I’m going to put it right on top of my list
absolute beaut Will. Was just back home and ya really captured that dread.
thanks daisy. Hope it was nice to be back home