15 Comments

I get so angry when there is no support system availability for the people on the end of the phone who need it. Feel this. Your writing is spot on. Thankyou.

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Jan 22Liked by Will Boucher

Agreed, what a weight you have here and you captured it well for us to carry for a bit. It makes me wonder if your coworker(s) caught the virus or had it all along. The latter would make your job like a hospice of sorts. I just read something about how we have to stop empathizing if we aim to survive. That it’s more about compassion (suffering together) than trying to live in others’ shoes while seeing the world through their eyes. Seems like a fine line. And I imagine my ancestors and I don’t think it was kindness that helped them survive.

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author

Thank you so much for this beautiful comment! It's always wonderful to hear from you!

I've never thought of the workplace as a hospice of sorts but I'm now intrigued by the parallels. Indeed, there is certainly a necessary callousness and strategic distance which is hard to maintain. Sometimes I want to hug these people and comfort them but I need to look out for myself too.

I'm also unsure where the line is between "suffering together" and trying to live in others' shoes. If there is one it is certainly slippery.

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Jan 23Liked by Will Boucher

You're so welcome! As a more "hypersensitive" people-pleaser, it's been a lifelong battle to walk that fine line. Now I err on the side of caution and more self-protection, but after some practice with that, it's become a little easier to offer comfort without falling into the empathy hole. At the end of the day, most people just want an ear and a shoulder, right? It just gets tricky when they want (or need) advice because THAT'S when it gets personal. Anyway, you're a saint, you really are!

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author

Aww thanks! I don't know about a saint but hey, I'll take it! Self-protection is key. In the age of social media and hypersocialization, I don't think we're designed to come into contact with the number of people we do--let alone sincerely empathize with them. I try to cut myself some slack these days.

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Jan 24Liked by Will Boucher

You’re absolutely right. Previous pre-tech generations would be shocked maybe even horrified. I was suddenly reminded of something one of my favorite writers, Mari Andrew, said about her experience (I even used it in Bonesick): “The role of the chaplain is to hold hands in the dark, not to search around for a flashlight in order to find the light switch.” And that really nails the distinction between compassion and empathy. Simply being present vs trying to fix. And yes, cut yourself all the slack you need!

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author

Love that quote! Thanks for sharing :)

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you're welcome!!

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Jan 20Liked by Will Boucher

Wow this is heavy stuff - props to you for being there to support people at their time of greatest need 🫡.

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author

Thanks, Zan! I appreciate that!

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Hard hitting stuff, sir.

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Thank you very much, sir

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